20 Needs of a Family

 

1. Food- Make sure that both the family of the deceased and the department has adequate
supplies of food and drinks. During a death, individuals, especially those involved with
planning funerals and memorials, will forget to eat or drink.

2. A Babysitter- For survivors with children under 12, it is essential to have someone care
for the children so that funeral arrangements can be made, the individual can spend time
talking with family and friends, or so they can spend time alone.

3. Bills- Have a family member or a trusted member of the department ensure that any bills
that are due, are paid. Sometimes survivors will forget to pay the bills during the initial
phases of loss and grief.

4. Resources- Provide a list of grief resources such as websites, books, pamphlets, and
phone numbers.

5. Friendship- The support of the department. Having members of the department visit or
call on a regular basis ensures the survivor that they have not been forgotten. Someone to
take them out to dinner, a movie, or to the park.

6. A Handy-Man- Someone who can help with maintenance around the home such as yardwork,
vehicle assistance (oil-change), minor home repairs.

7. An Ear- Have someone available to listen to the survivor so they can talk out their
feelings and emotions.

8. A Shoulder & Arms- Someone who is not afraid to provide hugs and shoulder to lean
on.

9. Provide A List- Have a list ready of things that must be done or completed:
• Contact Social Security
• Life Insurance (& credit ins. on home)
• Credit Cards (Remove husband. name)
• Change Title on home
• Husband's employer benefits
• Health Insurance Coverage
• Checking/Savings Accts (Remove husband name)
• Retirement accounts benefits

10. A Form Letter- Have a form letter to present to a survivor so that their loved-ones name
is removed from various mailing lists.

11. A Shopper- Someone who can go to the grocery store, the pharmacy, or to just run
errands

12. A Domestic Expert- Someone who can assist survivors with domestic chores

13. No Fear- Don’t be afraid to be with a grieving survivor. Don’t be afraid to talk about
the loved one who has died. Don’t be afraid of tears. Don’t be afraid of anger. Don’t be
afraid of moments of silence.

14. A Quiet Presence- You don’t always need to fill silence with words. Sometimes words
can hurt. It’s better to be quiet and listen than it is to talk just to try and make an
uncomfortable moment ‘comfortable.’

15. A List Writer- Making lists will make life easier for the survivor during the first few
weeks after a loss. Stress, grief, and trauma can cause memories to lapse. These memory
lapses tend to make survivor’s feel like they have lost control. Writing a list will give
control back to the survivor.

16. Faith- For those survivors who are part of a religious/spiritual group such as church or
synagogue, have a chaplain or minister available.

17. Honesty-Even in the most traumatic deaths or difficult situations, providing honest and
truthful answers will build trust between you and the survivor. It will also help in the
healing process. A note on this subject, even though honesty is always the best policy,
deliver information in a delicate and sensitive way.

18. Communication- Open lines of communication will help keep confusion and stress to a
minimum. One way to do this is to have coordinators or liaisons from the department in
position. Such coordinators are: Family Coordinator, Funeral Coordinator, Department
Coordinator. Also, having a Public Information Officer available to deal with media
relations will keep department survivors as well as family survivors stress to a minimum.

19. A Chauffeur- Someone to drive the family members around during the first few days
following a death. After a death occurs, grief can sometimes be so overwhelming, that
operating a vehicle can be unsafe for those individuals.

20. A Presence- Just having a presence in the lives of the surviving family can be the
greatest gift of all. A presence from the department needs to be with the family for many
months and sometimes years after a death occurs